


Okay, I didn't plan the sword.

by TheSingerThatYouWanted (orphan_account)



Series: The Mighty Boosh Christmas Countdown Thing [1]
Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, etc - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 04:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2718923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/TheSingerThatYouWanted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set immediately after the events of Party. Vince has an awful lot of explaining to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Okay, I didn't plan the sword.

**Author's Note:**

> After watching all of The Mighty Boosh in three days, which has done wonders for my sanity, I've decided to set myself a challenge- one piece of Boosh-related fic every day, from now until Christmas. With a bit of luck and hopefully some concrit, I'll work on getting the characters right by then. Hope you enjoy!

The Nabootique wasn’t closed, but it might as well have been. The few customers who seemed remotely interested came within a few metres of the door before hesitating and veering sharply away as though repelled by an invisible force field. They weren’t, of course, unless Naboo had found some strange new potion and hadn’t warned the others. What was really driving the customers away was the shouting coming from within.  
“Howard, if you could just calm down a minute-”  
Vince held out his hands in a gesture that was probably intended to be calming, a look that was almost fear flickering across his face. His headband lay discarded on the counter amid speakers, beer cans, and all the other debris that so often shows up after parties, and his long fringe fell untidily over his eyes. For once, though, he didn’t care. He was too busy trying to stop Howard from imploding.  
The taller man was pacing furiously, hands balled into fists, and at the sound of Vince’s voice he turned round so sharply that Vince flinched in anticipation of a blow.  
“Don’t tell me to calm down! You can’t tell me to keep calm after telling me that you set me up with that girl just so I’d agree to your stupid party!”  
“I didn’t! Well, yeah, okay, I did a bit, but that wasn’t why I did it!”  
Howard paused, and Vince took a couple of deep breaths. This was going to have to be one hell of an explanation.  
“I set you up, yeah. That bit’s true. And the party was an added bonus, but really I would’ve been happy just to finally get you your bouncy castle. I just thought you’d like a party.”  
Howard glared at him. Vince reflected glumly that he should really be used to that by now, but it still made his stomach sink right down to the toes of his shiny, high-heeled boots. He sighed. It was time for the one thing he’d promised himself wouldn’t happen. He was going to tell the truth.  
“She’s one of Leroy’s mates. I slipped her a few quid-”  
“A few?” interrupted Howard. Vince took a hard look at his friend’s expression, multiplied the tenner he’d slipped Leroy as many times as he could manage, then answered.  
“Thirty quid, and she agreed to come and chat you up. I wanted you to feel like you could, y’know? Make you feel good on your birthday. That, and… and, uh, another thing.”  
Howard continued glaring.  
“What’s the other thing?”  
Vince hesitated awkwardly, suddenly feeling as though his thin shirt was a little too warm. He mumbled something under his breath. Howard put his hands on his hips and frowned, stepping closer. Vince suddenly couldn’t decide if he wanted to step closer or run away. In the end he did neither, but he still couldn’t quite bring himself to raise his voice.  
“Wanted t’show you I was jealous,” he murmured again.  
“What? Why?”  
Howard wasn’t angry any more. He looked more puzzled, taken aback by Vince’s sudden attack of bashfulness. For a second the shorter man swayed, actually swayed on his feet as though he was going to collapse against his friend.  
“I love you,” he said, ducking his head in shame. A little of his old confidence swirled in his chest when Howard didn’t push him away and he managed to meet his eyes.  
“I love you, alright? And this whole thing was just so I could finally tell you properly. I’d got it all planned, everything. Well, not the guy with the sword, but it worked out alright, didn’t it? I was gonna hook you up with a pretty girl, get you alone together somewhere, leave things to take their course for a bit, then accidentally walk in on you and get all jealous of her. Of course, then there was the guy with the sword, and it didn’t work out like I’d planned but I still got to tell you. But you, you idiot, you went and didn’t understand and then you said you loved me and then everything was perfect but you just started flirting with her and then you, you, you _chucked_ me.”  
Howard frowned and Vince cowered, tucking his arms in close to his skinny body. This hadn’t made it any better- in fact, it was a whole lot worse. Howard wrapped one hand around his wrist and gave himself a Chinese burn, drawing sharply away when Vince reached out to stop him.  
“Don’t you touch me, Vince! Don’t you ever. And don’t you be making me out to be the bad guy, either. You flirted with the other girl, remember?”  
Vince stepped back, swiping a sleeve across his eyes. He was almost crying with frustration, hating himself for never being able to get the words right.  
“Don’t you get it? That’s what I do. I’m the Sunshine Kid, remember? I flirt with everyone, it’s how I brighten their day. I never really fall in love.”  
Howard looked sceptical. Admittedly, Howard always looked a bit sceptical, but this was textbook angry disbelief. Vince sighed, a long, stuttering release of breath that was barely holding back tears, before carefully stepping forward and trying logic.  
“Look, in all the time you’ve known me, when have I ever had a relationship that’s lasted more than two days?”  
Howard opened his mouth to answer, but apparently he couldn’t think of anything to say because he was left looking like a slightly startled fish. Vince nodded emphatically.  
“Exactly. Never. It doesn’t mean anything when I flirt with people because I loved you already. I have done since that time in the Arctic- before, probably, but the parka people came and you said those things and then… this whole mess happened. I’m not good at being all romantic, not like you are. And I’m sorry, alright?”  
Howard seemed to have deflated. His shoulders sagged, and once again Vince was seized with the urge to hug his stupid Northern mate until he stopped being sad. It was the only thing he knew, really. Only trouble was that Howard didn’t like being touched, and so Vince pressed on.  
“Just… do you love me or not?”  
To his shame, Vince’s voice cracked on the last word. Howard sighed.  
“I don’t know, little man. I don’t- oh, come here.”  
He held out his arms and Vince stepped into them gratefully. He felt Howard tense up and Vince rubbed his hands soothingly over his friend’s hideous shirt.  
“I don’t know,” he repeated. The shorter man smiled at the tickling feeling of Howard’s breath in his hair.  
“That’s okay, then. So long as it’s an option.”  
He smiled into Howard’s shirt, for once feeling happy at his friend’s terrible taste in fashion. The hideous fabric was soft and warm, and he lost track of time as he stood with Howard’s arms wrapped around him. All that mattered was that for the first time in his life he was holding someone who mattered. That, for now, was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Much as I hate to say it, the characters in this story do not belong to me. Not even a little bit.  
> If you enjoyed it, comments are much appreciated! If you hated it, comments are also much appreciated! (seriously, it helps me improve if people point out what I got wrong)


End file.
